Relapse and hangover
You wake up in the morning in a daze shaking off the remnants of what you still believe is a nightmare as a dog would, his fur, after a swim in the icy waters of a December sea.
But no matter how hard you shake, reality seeps in the fogginess of your dulled brain, rays
of light sweep through the dingy alleyways and you are confronted with the naked truth.
It was not a bad dream and yet how many times have you woken up having ” binged ” your way through with the foods you would have never assented to in day time.
At this point, not yet fully awake, with the sense of sluggishness lingering and your steps dragging you down as a millstone attached to your ankles, there is no mistaking the self-made situation you find yourself in.
You dust the residues of madness off your shoulders, stand tall, head high and make a conscientious decision to act habitually from now on.
Hope lightens this juncture, regular behavior patterns just pick themselves up back again and join your life, welcomed as a long lost child after a journey in the arid desert of the Sahara.
All is fine and seems under control until remnants, sneak their way back in, just in an instant of inattention. Before you have time to quickly take your ” tools ” out.
And you are back to square one, with a bitter taste in your mouth, lingering for a indefinite
amount of time no matter what cure you seek. So, you accept the notion that there is no quick-fix
for a lifetime of roller-coasters toward food.
You persevere tenaciously with the obstinacy of the doomed, the condemned, knowing there is no way out of this one. You drag out your tool box with purposefulness and pray for the willingness that produces,persistency,determination and patience. And before you know it, you reconnect with the familiar and comforting world of O.A with the soothing feeling of having arrived.
Where isolation does not have a place, where everyone knows how it feels because not so long ago,they were there too.
P.S This article was written four months ago, I am glad for the moment to be home.
I hope you enjoyed it, Let me know.