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Tag Archives: struggle

The fantasy tree. Abstract painting.


23.7.2015 The fantasy tree (of the tree collection)-a--1-

The fantasy tree.
A new addition to the Zen tree collection.
This is my latest work. One that I have struggled with in the sense that I debated whether or not I should work further on it. I have sometimes made wrong decisions and spoiled projects so this time I let it simmer… And concluded that I loved too much the curves,texture, hue and shapes (that represent in my opinion a perfect abstract composition) to sacrifice it by attempting some kind of modification.
The thickness was produced by heavy painting and extra heavy gel medium I’ve discovered lately & really enjoy working with!

Close ups to follow… This is the continuation of an abstract collection called “the Zen tree collection”
P.s I would like to give a big thank you to Theecograndma.com for helping me out with signing my works, something I wished to do for quite a while but every information I got from good willing followers led me to a standstill.

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23.7.2015 The fantasy tree (of the tree collection)-a- (2)-1-

Going in circles, lying in wait and questioning Sep. 2012 ( Oa essay )


©copyright2013owpp

©copyright2013owpp

As you see this essay was written a few months ago but I go with the idea that my experience might help someone out there and in that way, take out the positive from the negative, even though some will debate about an experience being negative or not 🙂

Going in circles…
——————-

How do we escape those furious bouts of eating. Why do we have to put the rage of our emotions in food?
Don’t we realize the grave we are digging by such behavior, do we feel our heart beating furiously, our breathing heavier by the second?
Illness is feared by so many yet common sense evaporates into thin air when confronted with food.
Death is a subject practically taboo today, we are so afraid of it but, don’t we realize we are shortening our lives?
How is it possible that we are perfectly rational human beings but totally oblivious to reality when dealing with food?
Somebody in their right sense of mind would never mutilate their body the way we do. We become self-destructive to the extreme and call it “spoiling ourselves-taking a break- letting loose- chilling- taking it easy or taking care”.

Taking CARE of ourselves?!

How could we possibly ever think of it in those terms when, we see our body swelling and ourselves sliding down emotionally to a bottomless pit?
Is this the insanity Oa talks about? Being perfectly sane in all other matters, more than anyone around until…
How do we make sense of all this? We know off-by-heart the words of wisdom, we don’t want to hear them. So, how do we pull ourselves out… Seek our H.P? We know. We do. But WE put ourselves into this mess not him.
In his great generosity he will drag us back out. We know. But why are we still stuck? Will we stay here, this time for good? Where is the energy we need, where did it disappear when we had it?

It went with that ONE bite!

That is how tricky that one bite is. Why didn’t we listen, why didn’t we stop right on time, where did our strength and determination go flying when we were challenged?
So many questions and no answers!
We think we can manage what we call “ that innocent bite “ but that is where it brought us to.
When granted abstinence, we are wearing a crown, we are bestowed with a most precious gift. We should try not to discard it at a whim.

It is easier to say no to one bite, than saying yes, to months of struggle until we muster a mountain of courage to get back on track.

The lesson is, do not throw away what is most valuable to you. Know that abstinence is not a gift we find everywhere, anytime. It is a present given seldom. After seeking, begging for it and offered with much deliberation.

Do we know when the opportunity will arise again? We do not. We lie in wait… Hoping, this time, we will be the lucky winners once again.
But uncertainty gnaws at us, it bites into our hope, bit by bit, until we find ourselves on our knees.

Why does it have to be that way, are we so used to be in “ desperation mode “ and repeat the same pattern to go back to what is familiar and comfortable even if it’s a hell-hole?
How do we and can we, erase our past-programming? Are we doomed or will we realize one day that life has so much more to offer?
Be a slave and serve our addiction or, invite freedom and joy?

We COULD grow up and see that they are the only things worth living for and ask to be given clarity of mind to make the right choices in our lives and, strength to have a lasting abstinence this time round.
The one given once in a lifetime to the few privileged…The chosen.

By him as much as by us.

Will it ever end? Is there anywhere to hide? ” Food plan relapse ” 2010


repetition

Relapse
——-

Today is a relapse day.
Escaping from words of condemnation I prefer to hide behind anything that shields me from the reality of this moment.

Maybe a tree is wide enough.
They have existed for so long, have witnessed it all and are still standing tall and erect, nothing budging them, their gargantuan trunk, sturdy and comforting.

Maybe I should hide behind the reverie of an outside component bringing me to salvation,
or find assuagement behind excuses such as holidays, festivities, people, a country, finances…
Anything to push off, what should be accomplished today.

Is it that operose to adhere to the agenda and utilize the guidance at hand?
Is relapse actually a way of hurling a conniption in the face of existence?

Our overactive mind is hushed with the saying of the wise ( which I have mentioned before )
” Repetition is the only true form of permanence that nature can achieve ”

Well, that is a beginning.
Repetition is all we have achieved until now, but the other way round. Our energies were just badly channeled, all we have to do is ” repetition ” the right way this time.
It appears after all, that our wrangles are a result of our persistence in questioning life’s ( or God, if you will ) role in the realization of our endeavor.

Maybe we should hide less, think less and trust more.

That would simplify a mind in effervescence. Ideally, the highest state of grace would be, to do what is in front of us, at this precise moment every day of our lives.

Re-energized by those self-pep talks, I uproot those trees with a bulldozer, ( figuratively speaking of course ) destroy those outside factors, organize my holidays and birthdays with my sponsor, push in as many implements as possible, mark down in a book the keywords that will have the power to drag me out of my moroseness when needed and importune for the zeal to keep on doing so every moment of my recovery.