Life is a journey…
The way for some, is long and arduous but the reward is so gratifying!
In Oa we are like newborns having to learn the first steps of good habits in order to delight in
the ” normal ” life others might take for granted.
I hope you enjoy this essay!
It happened to me so fast. I was taken by surprise once again.
I am amazed at my gift of falling down the trap so many times and always reacting with the innocence and naivete of a newborn.
How many more of these tribulations do I need until I experience the Nirvana, the bliss of long-term abstinence?
Time and again, I had read about not letting ourselves go Hungry-Angry-Lonely-tired? Those are our red lights. Our warning signs. Yet, that’s exactly what I did, at the beginning of school year in September.
Having to wake up at 6 Am was a major adjustment after two months “holidays “.
It got me extremely tired and by the third day, there was no reasoning going on in my mind. I could not think rationally, give myself advice or take adequate measures.
I found myself as a sleep walker, going to the fridge, stretching out for some food, recollecting vaguely a distant short debate occurring in my numbed mind… “the” voice answering back about not having the energy to fight the urge.
There was no physical strength in me therefore no emotional one either to rationalize. The urge was so big, it just took over. It felt like the invasion of a tsunami. There was no way I was going to find a breach to squeeze myself in to make “it” see sense.
A huge force which I knew from the start who would be the victor.
I let it happen. Did not even feel the “ I ” letting it. I was void emotionally yet it was the “ I “ that wanted to have it, how does one explain that?
The only explanation I can come up with now is, that’s why it’s called “ the pit “ . We hit rock bottom and don’t have the natural resources to behave in a disciplined way. Thinking straight is the last thing possible. Hence, the warnings of H-A-L-T .
Then came the “ revelation “…
Suddenly it all made sense…
All I had to do in the future is, prevention rather than cure. When feeling those “ symptoms “ , look after it in order to prevent the chaos of its destruction once in motion.
It is that simple!
Yet again, not always easy. We tend to forget how dangerous some zones can be, and find ourselves repeating the same mistakes.
I can’t deny the fact that I have learned every time something new, but I wonder what makes me different from other O.A members who grasp at abstinence from the word go and don’t let go of it, aware of its priceless gift.
They take the highway where as I…
I browse, I feel, I hurt, I grunt, I marvel…
I learn the hard way. I forget, then, a miracles happen.
I open my file of essays and fall on one article which becomes a new message to me all over again. I open the book “ A new beginning “ and feel it speaking directly to my soul. A million different occurrences which I call miracles.
I imagine it’s my higher power’s way of reminding me, he is there to assist me. To protect and embrace me in his powerful love.
But it is not all about me.
If anyone of you out there reading this article can identify with it, it would make it worthwhile.
If it helps anyone in the slightest way well, maybe, just maybe, taking the long way was not a bad
idea after all.