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Going in circles, lying in wait and questioning Sep. 2012 ( Oa essay )


©copyright2013owpp

©copyright2013owpp

As you see this essay was written a few months ago but I go with the idea that my experience might help someone out there and in that way, take out the positive from the negative, even though some will debate about an experience being negative or not 🙂

Going in circles…
——————-

How do we escape those furious bouts of eating. Why do we have to put the rage of our emotions in food?
Don’t we realize the grave we are digging by such behavior, do we feel our heart beating furiously, our breathing heavier by the second?
Illness is feared by so many yet common sense evaporates into thin air when confronted with food.
Death is a subject practically taboo today, we are so afraid of it but, don’t we realize we are shortening our lives?
How is it possible that we are perfectly rational human beings but totally oblivious to reality when dealing with food?
Somebody in their right sense of mind would never mutilate their body the way we do. We become self-destructive to the extreme and call it “spoiling ourselves-taking a break- letting loose- chilling- taking it easy or taking care”.

Taking CARE of ourselves?!

How could we possibly ever think of it in those terms when, we see our body swelling and ourselves sliding down emotionally to a bottomless pit?
Is this the insanity Oa talks about? Being perfectly sane in all other matters, more than anyone around until…
How do we make sense of all this? We know off-by-heart the words of wisdom, we don’t want to hear them. So, how do we pull ourselves out… Seek our H.P? We know. We do. But WE put ourselves into this mess not him.
In his great generosity he will drag us back out. We know. But why are we still stuck? Will we stay here, this time for good? Where is the energy we need, where did it disappear when we had it?

It went with that ONE bite!

That is how tricky that one bite is. Why didn’t we listen, why didn’t we stop right on time, where did our strength and determination go flying when we were challenged?
So many questions and no answers!
We think we can manage what we call “ that innocent bite “ but that is where it brought us to.
When granted abstinence, we are wearing a crown, we are bestowed with a most precious gift. We should try not to discard it at a whim.

It is easier to say no to one bite, than saying yes, to months of struggle until we muster a mountain of courage to get back on track.

The lesson is, do not throw away what is most valuable to you. Know that abstinence is not a gift we find everywhere, anytime. It is a present given seldom. After seeking, begging for it and offered with much deliberation.

Do we know when the opportunity will arise again? We do not. We lie in wait… Hoping, this time, we will be the lucky winners once again.
But uncertainty gnaws at us, it bites into our hope, bit by bit, until we find ourselves on our knees.

Why does it have to be that way, are we so used to be in “ desperation mode “ and repeat the same pattern to go back to what is familiar and comfortable even if it’s a hell-hole?
How do we and can we, erase our past-programming? Are we doomed or will we realize one day that life has so much more to offer?
Be a slave and serve our addiction or, invite freedom and joy?

We COULD grow up and see that they are the only things worth living for and ask to be given clarity of mind to make the right choices in our lives and, strength to have a lasting abstinence this time round.
The one given once in a lifetime to the few privileged…The chosen.

By him as much as by us.

My first steps into the world of art 2007


I am posting today three of my first sketches ( well, almost, I tried out my hand on faces & profiles too )
Those sketches were very significant to me. They let me fantasize and peak, into a future I thought
could only stay in the domain of dreams 🙂
Have a wonderful day!

Abraham Lincoln sketch 2007 ©copyright2013owpp

Abraham Lincoln sketch 2007
©copyright2013owpp

Greek statue sketch 2007 ©copyright2013owpp

Greek statue sketch 2007
©copyright2013owpp

George Washington sketch 2007 ©copyright2013owpp

George Washington sketch 2007
©copyright2013owpp

The arid desert and arriving home 2012


food binge

Relapse and hangover
———————-

You wake up in the morning in a daze shaking off the remnants of what you still believe is a nightmare as a dog would, his fur, after a swim in the icy waters of a December sea.

But no matter how hard you shake, reality seeps in the fogginess of your dulled brain, rays
of light sweep through the dingy alleyways and you are confronted with the naked truth.

It was not a bad dream and yet how many times have you woken up having ” binged ” your way through with the foods you would have never assented to in day time.

At this point, not yet fully awake, with the sense of sluggishness lingering and your steps dragging you down as a millstone attached to your ankles, there is no mistaking the self-made situation you find yourself in.

You dust the residues of madness off your shoulders, stand tall, head high and make a conscientious decision to act habitually from now on.

Hope lightens this juncture, regular behavior patterns just pick themselves up back again and join your life, welcomed as a long lost child after a journey in the arid desert of the Sahara.

All is fine and seems under control until remnants, sneak their way back in, just in an instant of inattention. Before you have time to quickly take your ” tools ” out.

And you are back to square one, with a bitter taste in your mouth, lingering for a indefinite
amount of time no matter what cure you seek. So, you accept the notion that there is no quick-fix
for a lifetime of roller-coasters toward food.

Tenacity

Tenacity

You persevere tenaciously with the obstinacy of the doomed, the condemned, knowing there is no way out of this one. You drag out your tool box with purposefulness and pray for the willingness that produces,persistency,determination and patience. And before you know it, you reconnect with the familiar and comforting world of O.A with the soothing feeling of having arrived.

Where isolation does not have a place, where everyone knows how it feels because not so long ago,they were there too.

P.S This article was written four months ago, I am glad for the moment to be home.
I hope you enjoyed it, Let me know.

Les ailes brisées 1990 ( French poetry translation below as “broken wings” )


Celerina...the smooth flow of the river ©copyright2013owpp

Celerina…the smooth flow of the river
©copyright2013owpp

Les ailes brisées
——————-

Ah! Réveil brutal
Dans la nuit des façades
Amitié jusqu’à l’épreuve
Choc et rupture d’un fleuve

Fleuve qui ne coule plus
Dès la présence d’un caillou
Il se trace un chemin flou
Qui est lisse et sans embûche

Réveil brutal à la réalité
D’une amitié idéalisée
Déception de l’imparfait
Envole interrompu, par,

Les ailes brisées.

Broken wings 1990 ( Translation from ” Les ailes brisées ” )


Celerina...the smooth flow of the river ©copyright2013owpp

Celerina…the smooth flow of the river
©copyright2013owpp

Broken wings
————–

Ah! Brutal awakening
In a night of facades
Amity until adversity
Shock and rupture of a river

River that no longer flows
At the presence of a pebble
It traces a fuzzy path
Which is smooth and without ambush

Brutal awakening to reality
of an idealized friendship
Deception of the imperfect
Flight interrupted by,

Broken wings.

Réveilles toi mon solitaire! 1987 ( French poetry translated in post above as “Wake up my solitary!” )


six am.wake up call! ©copyright2013owpp

six am.wake up call!
©copyright2013owpp

Le solitaire
————–

Toi, le solitaire
Tu ne lis que ton univers
Qui défie les coutumes du temps
Qui fuit les convenances, les gens

Asphyxié lorsque entourer
Angoissé lorsque délaisser
Tu renies l’hypocrisie
Et tu recherches en vain, L’AMI

L’honnêteté chez autrui
L’entente, les mots à demi
Un silence toujours compris
Peu de choses, mais toute une vie

Tu exiges tout un univers
Qui n’existe sur terre
Tu cours après un rêve
Qui se brise quand l’aube se lève

Réveilles toi mon solitaire!

Merci et bonne journée !

Where are we running to? ” Along the passing days ” 1989 ( French Poetry “Au fil des jours” with English translation )


where are we running to? ©copyright2013owpp

where are we running to?
©copyright2013owpp

Hi everyone!

Sometimes life makes me wonder. We are always running to catch something, somewhere. Should it be, a bus, a door, an appointment, the school’s gates, a plane… The list is endless.
Where does it lead us? Are we actually going round in circles, if looked from a different perspective?
Here’s a small poem I hope you’ll like.

Along the passing days
———————

Monday,
We run but we smile
Tuesday,
We follow the road to infinity
Wednesday,
We are out of breath,but there we go again!
Thursday,
Ah! What a lousy day!
Friday,
In two hours I’ll be finished
Saturday,
Rest is not a disease
Sunday,
Ah yes! Tomorrow I shall roll up my sleeves…

———————————-

Au fil des jours
—————–

Lundi,
On court mais on sourit
Mardi,
On suit la route vers l’infini
Mercredi,
On s’essouffle, mais nous voilà repartis!
Jeudi,
Ah! Quel jour maudit!
Vendredi,
Dans deux heures j’aurai fini!
Samedi,
Le repos n’est pas une maladie
Dimanche,
Et oui! Demain je retrousse mes manches…

And there we go again… I hope you enjoyed it