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Will it ever end? Is there anywhere to hide? ” Food plan relapse ” 2010


repetition

Relapse
——-

Today is a relapse day.
Escaping from words of condemnation I prefer to hide behind anything that shields me from the reality of this moment.

Maybe a tree is wide enough.
They have existed for so long, have witnessed it all and are still standing tall and erect, nothing budging them, their gargantuan trunk, sturdy and comforting.

Maybe I should hide behind the reverie of an outside component bringing me to salvation,
or find assuagement behind excuses such as holidays, festivities, people, a country, finances…
Anything to push off, what should be accomplished today.

Is it that operose to adhere to the agenda and utilize the guidance at hand?
Is relapse actually a way of hurling a conniption in the face of existence?

Our overactive mind is hushed with the saying of the wise ( which I have mentioned before )
” Repetition is the only true form of permanence that nature can achieve ”

Well, that is a beginning.
Repetition is all we have achieved until now, but the other way round. Our energies were just badly channeled, all we have to do is ” repetition ” the right way this time.
It appears after all, that our wrangles are a result of our persistence in questioning life’s ( or God, if you will ) role in the realization of our endeavor.

Maybe we should hide less, think less and trust more.

That would simplify a mind in effervescence. Ideally, the highest state of grace would be, to do what is in front of us, at this precise moment every day of our lives.

Re-energized by those self-pep talks, I uproot those trees with a bulldozer, ( figuratively speaking of course ) destroy those outside factors, organize my holidays and birthdays with my sponsor, push in as many implements as possible, mark down in a book the keywords that will have the power to drag me out of my moroseness when needed and importune for the zeal to keep on doing so every moment of my recovery.