Shadows of the anterior 1989- Adjusted January 2013

Celerina2004
©copyright2013owpp

Shadows of the anterior
————————-

Born twice
From the womb.
And the confines
Of his dwelling.

He had to
Learn again.
First steps
First breath,

Look listen,
Copy and learn.
Grow up with
The hindrance

Of being already…
Molded into…
The obverse.
Memory with

No litheness
Candor
Admitting
Ignorance.

Inevitable
Decadence.
No mercy.
He lacerates

His mind.
Longing
Yearning
To be there

Heretofore.
Tension
Inhabiting
Every fiber.

Going back
His dread.
Incur his
Days of yore.

Spreading.
Heavy as a
Millstone
Clinging to his

Vital
Dragging it,
Losing it
Hounding him

At a corner
When least
Expected.
Routine

Impregnated.
Slapping his
Senses cold.
Shadows

Of the anterior
In the lines
Of a memory.
Landscape,

School staff
A cockroach!
Awakening,
Stunned

And floored.
Afflicting
His mind
His soul.

Till the cusp
Of his days.
Hoping to descry
Hear beyond

The senses.
Discern, feel
As a sculptor
Or a dancer.

Juggle with
Words in
A brushstroke.
With the ease

And grace
Of the loved.
A creator
Innovator.

Exhilarating,
Enliven over
His masterpiece.
The preciseness,

Veracity of
Thoughts
Translated
Into deity.

He goes on
Trusting,
Living the
Dream.

Yet, tiptoeing
Into his new
Territory.
The confines

Of his authenticity.

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The past of a very dark day. Sep. 2012 ( Oa essay )

©copyright2013owpp

This is a article I should remember to read when my abstinence quivers or doubts.
Am I glad we don’t have many moments like these in our lives!
There is truly, nothing that tastes better than abstinence.

Dark moment
——————

People usually die once. I have died a few deaths and keep on doing so.
Occasionally, I come back to the living, but end it off, of my own accord.

Some have others torturing them. A partner, husband, friend, colleague… I am privileged. I have my own torturer. ME.
I destroy myself. I am my worst enemy. I attack myself, by stuffing my body with food I don’t even desire or savor. Always in search of some taste bud-thrill, that will entertain my pallet a while longer.
It is a food-rage. It kills my soul, bit by bit. I have gone a thousand times to hell and back. Now, nothing seems to bring me home. I am spiraling downwards and speed my fall by letting go of all the ropes. No relief in sight.
Pain is the only feeling that visits my solitude.
This “ now “ is not the companion I was looking for. I try to shake it off but it sticks to my ego, my famous ego. You know, the one that takes so much space, there is no room for beauty. Just trouble.
I have been told to let go of it and have tried but do not know how.
My journey could have been uneventful had I known the secret but, my ego has a long life or maybe seven lives, like the cats, is it not what they say?
So, I resign myself to my cycle of suffering and despair yet in the hope of getting another glance at a paradise I have lived and left in a nearly forgotten past…

The one that people call with a moan and a sigh… LIFE.

How do we get rid of… The cobwebs of the mind ? 2010

The cobwebs of our mind
———————–

When we wake up in the morning, drunk from food, puffed and wheezing, that in itself should be a motivator, a warning…

Oblivious to the dangers, we put our bodies through, we live in a make-belief-world. We lie in bed every night, waiting to be taken to the land of weightlessness.

Years of drilled information leaves our mind with a pile of junk, only a thorough cleansing can get rid of.
Wash, scrub, scour, open up the windows and give an opportunity to a clean new slate!

What if we have too much data, too much ” education ” stopping us from keeping it the way it is… simple?
What if we could literally, build a mountain, by, tossing all the rules and knowledge we’ve accumulated throughout the
years, in a heap? Throwing in, the smallest detail… The thousand different diets, the dos-and-don’ts, stocked up analysis,
take the bewilderment and see the mass grow…

Hurling all the well meant advice, the quotes… chuck out the fuzziness, the distorted habits, the negative experiences
( learnt on the wrong ” benches ” of life ) the just-in-case all sized clothes, the preoccupations, and without hesitation go on adding up every single remnants…

Frustration, will ( or lack of it ) respect ( taken or given in the right or wrong places ) pride, exhilaration, jealousies,
( towards one’s success )

Do that, down to the last precision…

Stand a few steps back and look at the accretion. Admire the pyramid. See it in shape, height, width… Take ” physical ” distance
and see your mind detach from the hoard. Feel identification toward it, fade away.

Give this visualization exercise the opportunity to give you mental space and remoteness from the years of accumulation.
Observe how clean it feels… Now think… What are we left with? What are we confronted with?
once we discard the past, only then, do we realize that we can get down to the most important ” elements ” of this game we take too
seriously and call life.

It is US and the FOOD!

We are faced with the simplest of all decisions. Are we going to put it in our mouth or not? It’s as plain as it gets and can’t get
plainer. After throwing away all the complications our mind creates, we come to recognize it’s as clear as spring water.

The psyche is a dangerous neighbourhood we’ve designed based on a past that is dead and a unborn future.

If we could see this in all its transparency, we would easily burn away the cobwebs of our mind.