Acceptance
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My best friend
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I have one best friend, silent and faithful, manifesting her closeness, seldomly, frequently or randomly, according to my needs.
She’s my ” reminder ” she keeps me in line, as a commander to his soldier. There was a time I hated her for that, I wanted to be free, thinking that was the answer to my happiness.
I had many friends in my life but this friendship is still going strong after twenty five years.
At first it was just a slight presence, a hide-and-seek pattern, if you want, I could have tossed it out of my life, turned a blind eye,
instead I embraced it as a long lost sister and welcomed her for her honesty, for letting me know she inhabited my space that long.
I had ” wheezed ” her and ” suffered ” her in the past, limiting my movement in order to prevent confrontation. She begged for acknowledgement, for the willingness to let her accompany me in a quiet way.
After years of fumbling, tripping in the dark, gripping at anything I could grasp, I realized this was no ordinary friendship.
I had to get her name.
But life goes on and I got busy with bedroom renovations… Symptoms worsened and despite my ignorance, I could refute it no longer. I took a
brisk walk to our family doctor on a typical winter drizzly day and with embarrassment heard myself wheezing loudly in a very quiet, jam-packed waiting room.
He dropped his verdict as an ax on a stump, without mincing his words. He threw in my face the harsh realities and eventual emergencies of Asthma.
Lack of oxygen… possible death if left untreated… were the fragments of sentences piercing through the fogginess of my brain.
I was stunned!
Who would’ve thought Asthma in its extreme scenario could lead to fatality?
My mind then, went full gear and my next mission was to glean as much information as possible. I thought, ” maybe that might alleviate the alarm building in me “. But what I discovered, were cold medical terms falling unto me as glass shattering on ice, in a clatter, echoes resonating through dark
shiny white tunnels.
I found out, Asthma is characterized by a predisposition to chronic inflammation of the lungs in which the ( Bronchi ) airways are reversibly narrowed.
In total, it affects three hundred million people worldwide. During an attack ( exacerbation of Asthma ) the smooth muscle cells in the Bronchi, constrict,
the airways become inflamed and swollen and breathing becomes difficult.
” Well, I thought, that wasn’t hard to guess, anyone could have told me that! ”
It went on specifying, there’s no remedy to this day, which didn’t bring too much comfort to me, but various medication ease symptoms.
In short, I understood that with Asthma, Doctors are at loss, but my journey through Alternative medicine proved otherwise. I learnt to understand, listen
to my body, discover and follow my intuition too.
It finished grandly, bringing more numbers and statistics stating four thousand deaths a years in the U.S only…
It was a frightening exposure to the condition of my unfortunate circumstances. reading about the facts nevertheless, gave me acceptance. As long as a diagnosis
wasn’t pronounced, I couldn’t lay out a plan.
I couldn’t take full responsibility.
The fear it provoked and the relief that proceeded was a paradoxical concoction I required desperately, to put my life back in order.
A whole new world unfurled to me. It was a sesame-opener and I discovered treasures of potential. For one, I discovered, life wasn’t to bear. It was full of color that can’t
exist in darkness. Second, that my personality has the facets a rough gem holds but only noticed to the eye when cut open and left raw to the light of the sun.
Third, that as a result, I traveled on a expedition of self-discovery, took many paths that all led to the long road of redemption, towards the neglect I had
caused to my body.
The road is long so I won’t encumber you with details of a tedious trail of self-help books, diets ( mainly Macrobiotics as the answer to my problem ) Homeopathy and O.A which shaped me into the person I am today.
In the beginning, Asthma, tip-toed into my life. Symptoms being more of a hindrance than anything, But it eventually caught up with me and I was faced with the
handicapping stage that enabled me to walk short distances without feeling there wasn’t enough air circulating to provide me with the amount of oxygen needed for
my lungs.
Rest, was the only way to improve this state.
When I look back at those years people call ” life “, they were of struggle, frustration, misery and darkness. Adversely to the quality of life I have today.
Yet, those years of exertion were a preparation. They molded me into an appreciative and knowledgeable person. I realize, now, it was the best thing that could
have happened to me.
I wouldn’t deliberately invite it, but if I had the possibility to wish it away… Do not laugh at what I’m about to say…
TODAY, I do not want it out of my life. I’ve accepted it as my teacher, my barometer, my faithful companion, my mentor. Not only have I accepted it, but I see it as a necessity to my existence. A requirement if you wish. The head-lamp to a miner digging deep under the earth or a compass to the explorer in the desert.
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Friendships can start off sometimes painfully but given the opportunity, can grow to be the essence of your life, the blessing you’ve long searched and prayed for.
So, when some form or other knocks on the doors of your entity, don’t cast it away on it’s ugly appearances, it might just be the answer to the fundamental
questions, haunting your very nights.
Invite it to shine, to encourage you to draw the path you had sketched in your mind…
To reveal itself to you and most importantly, to help you proclaim your inner-beauty.
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