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Category Archives: oa writings

Getting rid of excessive luggage


20.8.2015 katwijk aan zee (22)-a-1-

Getting rid of excessive luggage came about as I was having a conversation with a dear friend about making amends & the stress that comes along with it.
As it often happens in Whatsup there were fragments of conversations which had to be rearranged which is what I have been doing all day 😉
I hope this will be as enjoyable to read as enlightening!

To understand how to go about Step eight we have to learn how to let go & one way of doing it is by searching in the works of our contemporary philosophers.

Eckhart Tolle says in The power of now,
Pride is ego, ego becomes mind, mind becomes thought, thought becomes emotion…

In order to internalise this concept introduced so beautifully to us in his book, it has become a must to read over & over again.
As habit forming creatures the next step to take would be to exercise that idea, thus creating a behaviour pattern, resulting in ownership.

Impatience here is a killer. It leads to frustration which leads to… you get the picture 😉
Everything done is a step by step, moment by moment process. All that is asked of us is to do what is possible, right now. No more. We cannot bite more than a mouthful.
What we want to fix now (ALL our past behaviour) is fixed in God’s time not ours. Maybe it is time we try to delegate, not tick it all off our list.

By the way, fixing the now is what fixes our past because every second of now becomes immediately past the second after.

Nevertheless, we can understand where we come from. We focus all of our energy working on our past in order to be happy now. But by being happy now with what IS might be an effective way of dealing with our past. It’s simply planning our strategy differently.

Mind is made for practical reasons. For decision making, promote DOING, planning…
By overusing it, it becomes an opponent. Overthinking being so common nowadays, has become a dis-ease we are unaware of. Negative emotions are the results.
Nothing good has ever come out of it.

Dealing effectively with the present moment (which is all that is real in this world) enables us to deal with what we call past.

Another thing worth to mention… although some might disagree, we could try to keep in mind to use our common sense, not search for people to dictate us & if they do, practice sifting, as we have been so beautifully taught in o.a literature.
People are not a higher power, they are human & speak from a human perspective, sometimes even a personal one. After all they’re here to help, out of their experiences & challenges. Every challenge is different but we can consider the possibility that advice, in some cases, can be very helpful.
What we strongly believe is right, what we feel comfortable & at peace with, is a pleasant way indeed, going against your gut feeling is being out of tune. If possible, create a quiet meditative place in your mind unencumbered by ego, when you want to make important decisions.

We were given a mind so we can reason, make sense out of things coming our way, we are no robot with a program built by a higher intelligence. Some might disagree here too, but having a difference in opinion is no tragedy. We can respect that.
Let’s try to see it from a different angle…

If our ego is out of the way we have our path clear to go forward. Nobody can contradict such logic.

We can only feel comfortable dealing with our past & make amends IF we can step out of our SELF. The ego.

Dr.Wayne Dyer said in one of his lectures… Unease creates dis-ease.
Nevertheless, we cannot make amends for the sole purpose of unburdening ourselves, that would be selfish. First we have to get rid of guilt before we can face the ones we have to make amends to, in an honest peaceful way.

We could do it forcefully but would you conscientiously choose to?

An inward cleansing so we can deal with amends efficiently might be the ideal ground.
Doing it out of love for the welfare of the recipient not ours, BECAUSE we have cleaned up our side is not such a crazy concept either.
Only then can it be dealt with, genuinely & honestly.
We have seen it over & over again, negative emotions produce unsatisfactory results, to say the least.
In short, loving ourselves is the way to do a satisfactory job. Changing directions & perspectives versus set & rigid ways of thinking might just be our salvation!

Challenges (even the ones seen as trivial in daily occurrences) happen in our life because it’s the right, the most perfect thing to happen. Sometimes we see it shortly after, others much later. The present is all that counts & our trust complete for he sees as we can never see… (or let’s say, by some gift, can sometimes see, in limited ways ;)).

Amends directed negatively might also be the ego speaking as a result of not having completed our inner job. Genuine amends can come from a place of inner peace, where worry, fear, guilt & stress cannot exist.
Fear of going back to eating compulsively as a result of not having done our amends has no future. Don’t be mistaken, getting the job done is a good thing, but doing it out of fear is accumulating points in our favour toward failure.

We could start with a first aid bandage.

By loving & respecting ourselves… learning how to LIVE. We radiate enough positivity to allow doors to open one after the other, invite miracles into our lives.
Amends has then the possibility to unfold naturally, the process is not a struggle anymore.
In short, if emotions (as fear) are the trigger to our escalation (toward food) then, maybe we can cut the chase, go to the root of the matter & try to deal with emotions rather than feeding them further.
Accept, surrender to the knowledge of our addiction. A fact not a tragedy. Actually, a point in our favour in the long run. Live with it rather than fight it. Fighting is fuel to fear, fear fuel to fight & we are gone on a roller coasters…
Teaching ourselves to live in its true sense (the one mentioned above) channelling our emotions adequately & effectively leaves us room to see the miracle of all life & living entities surrounding us, “fooling” our addiction (call it distraction if you want) by devoting ourselves to the beauty & gratitude inhabiting us moment by moment rather than what our mind calls, the ugly, the work or duty… Going with the flow is far less taxing by any means.

We can then cope with addiction, take it to its rightful place… the background.
Being aware of its presence without allowing it to invade every inch of our beautiful lives.

What I’m trying to say is that the most important tool to acquire in our beautiful life story is, to have peace. Having that, we emanate an energy that breaks away any resistance.
The results become spectacular & will stun us!

The only way I see amends in its true sense happening, is by getting rid of excessive luggage in a constructive way. Getting rid of it, as we mentioned earlier on, with the knowledge that we are human, signing our path in life the best way we know how, with the best tools given, taking in account that sometimes we will be confronted with co-workers, partners, relationships we have chosen as a consequence.

If we manage to do that & be as kind to ourselves as we try to be to others (if not more, for the more we are with ourselves the more we can give to others) we can rest assured.

Success is on its way!

©copyright2015owpp

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All the way up!


Yes! All the way up & free ©copyright2014owpp

Yes! All the way up & free
©copyright2014owpp

I am liberated.

Liberation occurs when we are afraid no more of either way we turn out to be, I guess this is what we call letting go.

Previously I have lived in fear of putting on weight & as a consequence resemble my father, loose some & look like my mother, fluctuating between the two for a lifetime perpetually frustrated, seeing their worst in me, never understanding that I was taken away the ability to notice the other side of their personality, that is…

Until today.

When I woke up to a dream of my mother’s lullabies in my ears remembering & realizing that even though she swore she croaked & rattled like rusty pots & pans, she never gave up the pleasures of educating her children in a sing-song voice.
In his own creative way, my father taught us self-reliance, patience & how to spend quality time with his closest.
He taught us things a child never forgets such as, how to roast flour as a snack, design our own sweets from scratch, repair & build things out of nothing.

Pain & anger had obliterated those precious moments rending them insignificant, amplifying & bringing into focus the times of weakness which felt strongly like betrayal.

I am not minimizing the hurt caused nor justifying circumstances which could have been dealt with tolerance, patience, empathy & understanding… all I am saying is that today I am using my lens to magnify what appeared meaningless & putting in the back-burner the heartaches.

There is a time to sow & a time to reap.
Now is the time to appreciate what did go right.
Nothing is stopping me from going all the way up…

No more strings attached…
Free!

This is my journey & I believe it is yours too, for we have traveled a long way in two years.

I thank you for that 🙂

Is it only up to us?


©copyright2014owpp

©copyright2014owpp

We are constantly being told that suffering is an essential component to self-growth, I beg to differ. I’d rather see suffering as optional.
Bingeing which used to be a source of grief, uncertainty & tremendous despair is today, to my latest discovery, part of a project, the germination of… a bit like a disheveled, disconnected & chaotic building-site that takes a turn for the better three quarters of the way, revealing the beauty of careful planning, the scrutiny of detail, the hard earned result of love… perfection & poetry in curves & colors.
Even though I’d rather sail on a pink cloud throughout I envision my “phase” as part of a scheme… a fraction of the perfection about to be.
What we can be sure about is that challenges are transitory & if we realize it is to take us to where the sun shines we might worry less on the way.
Trying to understand the bigger picture has loosened the knots & brought peace when least expected.
Bryant H. McGill says, “Abundance is a process of letting go. That which is empty can receive”.
Letting go of my food for me is the answer to inviting after many years of struggle, abundance & quality in my life.
The question is, when/will it happen & is it only up to me?
That remains to be seen…

That one chance we have at living… (climbing the stairs of our life)


Climbing my way up... ©copyright2014owpp

Climbing my way up…
©copyright2014owpp

I always thought my happiness was dependent on a disciplined life and misery on a chaotic food plan.

I believed my behavior was the culprit of my inner-hell.

But a few weeks of frantic bingeing triggered off by some stone in the way of my life made me realize that yes, a clean organic measured food plan contributes to a clear mind, a certain level of stability, an awareness and ability of absorbing the NOW fully but it is not responsible for life and the realities surrounding it.
It does not answer for your reactions towards it and it is surely not the coordinator of your inner.

The inner is your sacred place, you are the only one owning it, it is the birthplace of bliss that you will help grow, the stillness that you will lovingly water and observe carefully as each leaf appears, each twig added, it is you that makes it happen, it is where it all begins…

As you nourish it, its heartbeat will get stronger, it will take all the place, pulsate and vibrate, let itself be cradled in the niche of your soul.

An amazing blogger http://soberidentity.com/ told me not too long ago “that whatever I do toward my food does not change my true self” which I understood to be my soul.

Its health is dependent on my choices, true (whether I nourish that bliss and stillness or not) but it will never change size 😉 nor betray me in any other way. It is intact, unblemished and most importantly it is and will always be what defines me.

True peace and happiness is WITHIN independent of exterior consequences. One can be a total living misery with complete abstinence. Mind-torture is a frame, a free lodger, a habit gone wrong, it is especially badly-wired energy. Our choices are to direct it.

The way is not simple but it is easy as long as we are determined to make a difference in this ONE chance we have at LIVING.

The slip


Sane paradise ©copyright2013owpp

Sane paradise
©copyright2013owpp

It happens, but after a whole year of peaceful food plan it took me by surprise…again.

Life is made of continual adjustments. Visualize a ballet dancer performing on the rooftop of a moving train, will she/he succeed in providing a flawless performance? No. There are bound to be hiccups.

Well, that is just how I felt as I decided to ban fish from my plate. Never used in excess, nevertheless an important protein I was very fond of.

Being a vegan for twenty five years, I have tried in the past to eliminate all “living” foods but could not muster the needed energy to function on a daily basis so, fish became the exception.

Amidst this blissful quietude came the news (see my last post) shaking my now rooted sane habits of a happy normal life, questioning my profound beliefs in substantial foods.

Those are the vibrations I sensed in the soles of my feet, throwing me off balance and bringing skeletons out…the ones so far back in the closet, belonging to a forgotten past, dislocated from a happy present, so strange to my blessed moments, never dreaming it would ever come in to say Hi, how are you, long time no see…

There was no dread, just numbness. I could not recall the despair felt in the past which should have given me the strength to say…Never again! With all the force needed for mettle and slipped for a few days in a stupor classically brought on by overeating.

My answer as always was my pen, the vortex draining my mind from thoughts circumnavigating to no end and leafing through my long forgotten attempts at writing essays on the subject as a jolt to my dazed condition…awakening me to realization.

Through the reading I plunged into a world that did not belong to me anymore, I was scouring through the life of a stranger, the field was so unfamiliar I wondered how my followers took the time to read through the rambling desperation having the kindness to even comment and like .

At the time the confusion, the pain felt very real, the blog becoming my only instrument of relief, allowing me to publish my unpolished thoughts and accept it for what it was, silently begging forgiveness from my readers and gratefully accepting the generosity of their patience.

A place I would rather keep far away and swap for subjects of art close to my heart. Today.

Today ©copyright2013owpp

Today
©copyright2013owpp

A day of our lives February 2010 Oa essay


©copyright2013owpp

©copyright2013owpp

A day of our lives
—————

Last night I felt like waiving it all. Does it happen to you too?
Ironically, the arguments I want to run away from are the very reason I will not give up.
Even if the scales prove otherwise, working my character defects is now the reason for me to stay on.
So, I am hanging on a thread, as a spider, slowly weaving my way, consolidating my web.
My thread is my connection to my élan vital. To what is home now. It keeps me linked to my sparkle. That is why I hold on, toil my way through. Anneal the base.
My thoughts shout. Build a wider faction, extensions!
Outreach calls are of paramount importance yet, I have been shying away from that assignment.

We tend to build protective walls around us, which need to be broken down at some point.
Some build fortresses throughout their lives, staking up watchmen to mark their borders that stretch out further and further away from their former territories and lose themselves in it. Opportunities for light and life shrinking away from their grasp as the ebbing of a tide, leaving its emblem to be stamped on by the carefree, merry vacationer.
Others stay jammed between the doors of desperation, forlorn in an ocean of slavery to some addiction or another, plaguing them constantly with thoughts and acting upon them in a half-slumber, as if it is their destiny, as if they had no choice in the matter.
They live in a no-man’s land. In the crepuscule. Passengers erring between countries restlessly, looking for comfort and finding none.
Solace, evading their days and nights. Their soul giving them no rest. Until they are bestowed with the gift of sagacity and composure.
The skills for living in the right sense. Fully, truly, joyfully and peacefully.
Those miracles can happen. It is only up to us to create the vessel to receive them.
All there is to do is hope to be awarded with the volition to shape, mold it, as a sturdy thick, impermeable, hermetically sealed receptacle that will enable us to treasure those gifts never letting them out of our sight,
Whatever the cost.

Good times, what a blessing! Nov. 2012 ( oa essay )


Good times... ©copyright2013owpp

Good times…
©copyright2013owpp

This essay was coming out of the low moments as a result of doing what I have most pleasure in doing. Writing and painting and sharing it on the blog. Music and photography will have to wait until I start feeling more comfortable with those .

Good times
————-

Does it occur to us that sometimes our writings have a tremendous amount of despair or self-abuse described?
Writing is for everyone liberating. It is the first thing that comes to our mind when hurt gnaws at us. At the end of the page we feel cleansed.
But could we focus for once on the times rays of rationality beam through? The days we tuck in fourteen hours of work, feel tired but so alive?
Get so absorbed in our task that we forget about food and eat solely for the physical energy. What a blessing, what a truce! So much easier than the fight.
What about the enthusiasm, the love and joy we spread around, the closeness to our cherished ones and the protective wings we encircle them with, the peace felt, by doing small and seemingly insignificant tasks that feel grand to us?
Small is sometimes big.
Is that not a far brighter subject?
The saying goes “without obscurity we would not see the light“
Appreciation comes from the lack of… Had we not gone without in the past, how could we know what is here now?

This essay is dedicated to all those in recovery. To a world of people who have the courage and audacity to face and work on their imperfections, which everyone has.

To them I bow and wish to give an apercu, a glimmer of what can be, with a bit of tenacity.

Be strong, do not bend to what you would call our darker moments yet, be flexible and undulate with the current, it will lead you to quiet sparkles, to serene bliss and undetected Nirvana.

Can we believe? I do.

That is the journey I took many years ago. Every year I believe I have found all the truth that exists and every year I am proved wrong. There is always some more…

There are many ways that lead to Rome. To a few, it will be wisdom, others, knowledge or experience, which is the best teacher of all, it will lead you to the light brought by comprehension… To that instant of clarity, the split second where it all fits…

The doors open and you walk in a state of…

Life is worth living for, the past trials were all worth it, for this inner-discovery. No loud trumpets, no explosive fireworks, just, THIS… NOW…

And that is all that matters.